why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
