Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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