Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
