Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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