I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
