I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
