I wish I could punch you in the face.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
