I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
