I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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