gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
