the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
