remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
