dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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