oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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