Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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