Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
