you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My cat gives me a boner
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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