i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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