I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
