I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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