So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
