She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
