I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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