it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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