Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
