I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dick very happy bro
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
