Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
