it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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