He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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