Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
