We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
