Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
