i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Found the puke drawer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
