I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize