I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My liver just broke up with me...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
