My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
