I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
