somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
