y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
