omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm at about main and main street
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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