to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
