I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize