so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
