Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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