he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
