I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
