dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
