gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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