I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
