she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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