I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
