I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
