I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
