I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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