I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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