Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
