okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
