After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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