Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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