when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize