our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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