Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize