Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
