margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
